I learned to let go

For the past two years I’ve been working on an independent television drama series in Tallahassee that I became apart of when I auditioned and received a role on the cast during the first season of production. I honestly fell in love with the idea of becoming a filmmaker as a result of working on this project. I was excited when the director decided to go into production of a second season and asked me to write and produce for the show. We began working on the second season in January of this year and have been going non-stopped ever since.

Myself along with the other producers have sacrificed much to make sure the project is a success. I personally can reflect on many nights when I stayed up late writing an episode when I needed to be studying for a test I had in the morning. I can think back to four-hour rehearsals and weekends where my entire day was consumed with filming. I remember the phone calls and text messages I received from friends and frat brothers wanting to hang out, but I couldn’t because I was on set. Or even more recently paying for the season’s DVD’s with my credit card. This show along with the people involved had become a major part of my life. A part of my life that I enjoyed and nurtured simply because I wanted it to succeed; because I believed it had relevance and potential.

A few days ago I woke up and something inside of me was different. In my last post I wrote that internally I was preparing to move, but I was holding on to some things that I needed to let go of. Ever since I made the decision to move to Los Angeles, I’ve been leaning and completely trusting in God, because I knew that the only way I was going to make it was through his favor. I’ve been learning to listen to his voice and to be willing to go if he says go or to stay and be still if he says so.

I felt God saying let go of the TV show and the other film projects associated with it. At first I struggled with being able to do that. How could I let go of something that had been such a big part of my life? How could I completely give up a project that I had given my time, my money, and my energy to, and not except to receive the fruits of my labor? But, God said let it go, and so on Friday while riding with one of the cast members to attend a screening that was planned for the show in a town near Jacksonville, Florida, I decided to let it all go right then and there. We had stopped at a gas station, and before we could pull off I told the driver that I wasn’t going. He could take me back to Tallahassee or leave me at the gas station. It didn’t matter. He chose to take me back, and I explained to the executive producers that I could no longer be apart of the project. I didn’t expect them to understand my decision, but I did expect them to be angry. I guess they had a right to be. But, one thing that I’ve come to realize is that when God gives you something, it’s not for anyone else to understand. I had to follow peace, and so that is what I did.

I wish the show and everyone involved with it much success. Although some friendships have been broken as a result of my decision, I simply realized that it wasn’t my blessing, and God has something else for me. I will admit that it hurt to let go, but at least now I know that the thing inside of me that had fallen off is now back on its shelf.