Baggage or Blessings?

I woke up this morning and I felt like something had fallen off a shelf inside of me. Something was different in my spirit. I went on about my day in a subtle mood and was asked several times what was wrong with me and each time I responded "nothing," because honestly nothing was physically or even emotionally wrong with me. I was just in a different place.

Lately I've been asked how I feel about moving to LA in a few short weeks. When I really think about it, I don't feel any type of way. I'm not necessarily anxious or excited. I'm not particularly afraid or nervous. It almost feels natural - like this is what I've been expected to do. To be honest, i've been in no rush to get out of Tallahassee; However, today I felt for the first time that it was really time to go.

Some of those feelings could have come from me packing and moving things out of my apartment. I have to be out tomorrow by 3pm. As I stuffed things into my car and returned to my room to find more and more stuff, I begin to realize that everything wouldn't fit, and whatever I couldn't fit in my car couldn't go with me. I've already thrown away tons of stuff and donated more things to Goodwill than I ever have in my life, but I still needed to get rid of more stuff. I just had to much baggage. That's when it hit me.

I woke up this morning in a different place - in a different mood - because internally I knew it was time to move, and I also knew that I was trying to hold on to some things that I needed to let go. I simply had to much baggage, and my trip to LA wouldn't accommodate the extra weight. So, i decided today that it was okay to leave some of my old possessions behind. Some characters and story lines were good for this chapter, but for the new one I'm writing I need fresh material.

To the Dreamers - Keep your head up!

I'm sitting in front of my mac book slightly exhausted from spending two enervating hours online posting, updating, requesting, and uploading all in the name of Dreaming in Color. I realize that I've become my own marketing team, but I also recognize that if I don't market my product, no one else will. If I don't spend the time promoting Dreaming in Color, no one outside of my immediate circle will know that the film exist. So, I've given as much of myself as I can to make sure that she is successful. I mean she is my baby. If I don't nurture her, how will she grown to become strong and healthy?

I guess having a self-made product whether it be a film, an album, a mix-tape, a clothing line, a book, or a small business is really like having a child. When they're first born people will take notice and think the kid is cute. They'll congratulate you and buy a few packs of diapers to show their support. But, after that you're on your own. You have to raise that child through the good times and the bad times; through the triumphs and the defeats; through the criticism and rejection. Yet, just like a parent, no matter how frustrating or discouraging raising that child may seem, you're always going to love it because you birthed it.

So shout-outs to all of the entrepreneurs, visionaries, go getter, and moguls in the making. I know your money is low because you spent your last dime trying to get your product out. I know it's frustrating at times when you're trying to create your own demand but it seems as if no one loves you. I know it's hard raising this baby we call our dream, but in the words of late great Tupac Shakur "keep your head up."

Where there is fear

I read somewhere that where there is fear faith cannot exist; therefore, I’m forcing myself to push aside the fear of failure, the fear of defeat, the fear of rejection, the fear of homelessness… and I’m holding on to the only thing that is concretely definite in my decision to move to Los Angeles – my faith. Although I’ve run into my share of dream killers and naysayers and those who feel that I need to have every single detail planned and calculated before I make this move, I’ve decided to go anyway; Because, for me moving to LA means more than just chasing a dream. Yes, the move is rooted in my desire to be a filmmaker and actor, but lately it has grown to mean so much more. This move will be the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever had to make. I’ve asked myself the same questions that everyone else wants to know. How am I going to survive? How am I going to make this work? But, every time I allow those irresolute questions to invade my thoughts I hear God saying, “Will you trust me,” and my answer to him is “yes.”